Uncaught Fireworks

This is OneMoreLight! for more information, go to my LJ profile.

This post is belated, but.

onemorelight has jumped ship. again.

I may cross-post (backdated) just so that I have all my content in one place, but I doubt it. It's a hassle to do, and the last time I switched hosting sites but kept the same username (ahaha this is all a sekrit) and promised that I'd cross-post, I didn't.

So. this site, onemorelight @ LJ, is ... gone. ish. Maybe I'll be cross-posting, maybe I won't be. Que sera, sera. :P

onemorelight @ tumblr

I don't understand anger right now. Well, that's because I am sad right now - I don't quite have room in my mind for anything else. I know a lot of people in my position right now have been incredibly angry, but I just feel ... resigned and sorrowful. If you knew what I was talking about you'd laugh at me outright. Maybe you wouldn't, because you know me well. I know it's a ridiculous thing to get worked up over, but I can't help it. This is me. This is me, a lot.

So here I am thinking about everything, and really, I do feel very lucky right now. I ... I can't explain how some special people have been so kind to me today. You are truly the best people in the world. Here is one of those times where I get all sappy and emotional, and start spouting off my love for the world.

♥ first, my friends. Thank you so so much. Wow, sometimes I overlook the small things, but you guys take the cake. I'm a burden sometimes, huh. But you're there when i need you.
♦ next, my parents. One glance and you know what's up. No hesitation to help me when i'm tired. Thanks.

Next, I was thinking about all the positives about today.

○ Vitamin Water.
○ Epic fandom battles. Re: Tegoshi Yuya (NewS) vs. Akanishi Jin (KAT-TUN)
○ "It's You" by Super Junior. And I'm not even a kpop fan.
○ Twitter. Twitter is epic.
○ Bye bye APUSH books! This is kinda bittersweet. My mom - "Let's take a photo with all four books before you turn them in." Me - "LOL let's."
○ Celebrity Flailing over Gtalk!
○ Sleep! Plenty of it, now that APs are over this year.

I feel a lot better. List your positives on a day you're feeling particularly crappy. Y'know, the skies don't stay cloudy forever. ☼

Goddamn. You know when you're talking to someone and they are just so friggin' stubborn? It geniunely, honestly, truly pisses me off. Yes, I used three words when I could've used just one. That's how pissed I am. Seriously, stop justifying yourself when you know that the other party just doesn't agree. I know that you feel the need to convince me, to draw me to your side, and that's why you're so earnestly trying to argue your position.

You know what? I have opinions. I am entitled to them. I had already formulated my particular opinion before you opened your mouth. Don't try to seek my sympathy. You only deserve my sympathy if you yourself are a kind person. And right now? you're not a kind person. You don't recognize that I deserve to say no to you.

... Sorry for the rant, but I am incredibly angry right now. I've come to realize that, pardon the pun, I'm a pushover. I am quite simply a person who bends to others' wills. That's ... both a bad and good thing. For one, people find me to be an agreeable sort of person. They tell me things and confide in me, I've found. This may seem egoistical for me to say, but I'm a kind person. I care about people. At the same time, I find it hard to refuse things. If someone asks me for a favor, I won't say no. Also, when someone says somethings offensive to me, I don't lash back. I just take it calmly while imagining the words I could've said to them. And that's the thing - the words I could've said to them. Could've. Why don't I just speak up and say what I really think? because I know that would result in bad relationships and a bitter taste left in our mouths. Oh, true, this displays that I possess some degree of self-control, and that I think before I act. But it makes me so frustrated that I'm stifling my own thoughts.

Long rant is long. It's been a long day, a long week. I need sleep.

If you know me, you've heard me mention Murakami Haruki (yes, that's in the Japanese name order, surname first) quite a bit over this school year. I've sometimes described him as my favorite author. This is untrue. I don't have a favorite author, because it's so hard to pick just one whose writings I love the most. Fyodor Dostoyevsky's works I enjoy because I admire them; his ability the spin the best plots makes me want to write like he does. Franz Kafka, too, is one of the best writers I've read; I cannot describe his writing as anything but brilliant. Lorrie Moore is the person I wish I were, for her writing style is beautiful and her short stories are so profound. I enjoy reading all of these authors' works

Murakami Haruki isn't my favorite writer, but his work still holds a special place in my heart. That sounds corny, but it's true. If you've ever read one of his novels, then you know that he never uses that thing called plot. He's admitted that he never, ever plans his books. He just writes. And to me, that's the most important. His writing rambles on and on, with lots of obscure cultural references and seemingly irrelevant insert scenes. But the writing is so vivid and so true.

It's a funny story, how I began reading Murakami's work. As you may know, I spend my empty third period in Mr. Stark's room with Prachie, Crystal, and Stephanie. On the table near the door, I noticed a book. The Windup Bird Chronicles. I was interested because of, I'm not going to lie, the book's cover. (Yell at me for being judgmental later, but I have an excuse, I'm an INFJ.) I began reading a few pages. Every day that I would read it, I would return it to the table it was on. After a few days, I asked Mr. Stark whose book it was. He told me it was just left there, and nobody had claimed it for at least a year.

Well, I then read the book in my free time. It is bizarre and twisty and strange. But I like it - a lot. I like how Murakami rambles on and on - he doesn't know any more than the reader does what will happen next. And I envy that, too. I'm a writer. I wish I could write freely, yet so brilliantly the first time that I try. I wrote a lot in my freshman year and in sophomore year, including NaNoWriMo 2007. After NaNo, I stopped writing. I don't get story ideas like I used to. Expressing myself has become harder, and that's the worst thing.

This school year, I began writing a little something. It got a little longer, and - this makes me think about things. Writing makes me happy again. I'm not happy with the story itself, but the fact that I wrote something again, after so long, is exciting.

After reading Murakami's work, I realized something. You don't need plot or rhetoric or diction. You can just write. If you want to, just write. It'll make you happy.